As a 28 year old living in Chicago, I admit that I absolutely use text messaging to communicate with friends, family, and co-workers. For me, texting is great for sending and receiving short messages to and from people I already know. It’s perfect for corresponding with basic questions: where are you, what time are you picking me up, who is this weirdo that is talking to me, how did I get home last night? It’s also ideal for sharing funny moments that aren’t worthy of a full conversation; such as, “You will not believe that hot tranny mess I just saw on Belmont and Halsted.” Believe me; I have been swept up in this texting whirlwind. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered how much texting has slithered its way into the dating world. It seems that out of nowhere, text messaging has somehow become a dating norm. It got me thinking: when did text messaging take over for a good old fashioned relationship?
I recently dated a guy who we’ll call “Mr. Text,” who used text messaging as his primary form of communication. Mr. Text truly lived up to his name: he was aloof, brief, and hard to understand at times.
I should have been suspicious after our first date when he text me immediately afterwards what a great time he had. Unfortunately for me, Mr. Text was also devastatingly good looking. This may be why I ignored all of the serial texter warning signs. When I would call him and leave a voice mail, he would almost always text me back.
Mr. Text also used texting for in-depth conversations about how he was feeling in regards to our relationship. He revealed to me through text after our second date why he was so closed off and guarded. I thought it was odd at first, but his good looks and cute texts kept me coming back for more.
Mr. Text sent me texts constantly for about a month. The messages were either short and distant, or flirty and fun. I played along with it for a while because I didn’t know him very well and it seemed to be the best way to get in touch with him.
After weeks of going on multiple dates, I grew frustrated with how impersonal my relationship with Mr. Text truly was. Everything about our rapport in person felt aloof, closed off, and vague. It was only through the texting that Mr. Text was able to flirt with me and share how much he apparently liked me.
The whole thing felt detached, just like a text message should be. One day, I met Mr. Text after work for drinks and asked him what he wanted out of this relationship. Did he want to keep it casual, or was he looking for more? I honestly couldn’t read his signals, so I needed to hear it in person. He said he didn’t have an answer to my question and left it at that. The next day, I received a text from him stating he needed some time alone to figure out what he wanted. He felt that our face to face time was frustrating and unclear. And just like that, Mr. Text deleted me from his life.
It blows my mind how easily someone like Mr. Text can disconnect themselves from a relationship in two brief sentences. I find it creepy how serial texters hide behind their phones so they don’t have to deal with any real consequences of what they write. It’s truly cowardly. They can type whatever they want and not have to hear any form of rejection, emotions, or awkward responses. Just type, send, and delete, and all of their problems are gone.
Well, “FYI” to Mr. Text and all the serial texters … there is no excuse for using text messaging as a replacement for serious conversations! Significant talks should always be done in person or over the phone. What ever happened to the old fashioned break up phone call? If you have a few “min” to text the person you are dating that you’re just not that into them, then you have a moment to pick up the phone and show them some respect. I’d much rather be rejected by an actual person instead of a tiny screen.
My advice to anyone who is dating a serial texter…abort, abort, abort! We may be living in the age of technology, but common courtesy and good manners don’t need to be deleted from our lives.
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